chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
