For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
