A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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