i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
