Screwed.edu
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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