You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
