The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
a search helicopter?!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
