dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
