i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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