That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
