Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
