i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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