he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend