I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus