k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more