Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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