Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
