She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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