I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
