when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
