shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
