I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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