she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
