I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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