meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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