he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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