Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
