We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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