upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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