haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
