I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize