I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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