Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
