i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
