Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
