...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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