he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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