Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
