i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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