Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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