We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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