Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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