I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
