I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
