Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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