I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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