My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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