I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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