Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
