well you can't waste a boner
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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