I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
