last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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