I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I love you. Go after that dick
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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