i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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