Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
