Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
