Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
