I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
