some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
