Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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