I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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