all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
