the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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